jill

im not sure if i am too late for michigan happenings or some famous place good to go to bt might as well share one of the best places i’ve been lately… or a while ago may be.

i was craving for a california roll at around 5pm. i wanted to try ajishin in novi. i was frustrated the 1st time i tried to dine in there because the line was endless and the wait was long so i didn’t have a choice bt to satisfy my hunger for sushi at a nearby sushi house. just a few hours ago, i knew i need to go ajishin again. to my surprise, even if it was almost 9pm, the place was still packed! the wait could be about 30 minutes. despite my craving, my empty stomach can no longer wait. so time to think for a second option. bd’s mongolian bbq is good bt it’s not anymore new to me. besides, i wanted some japanese stuffs that moment. "fate" led me and gerard to bi bim bab. it’s a korean-japanese restaurant. and the foods?!!! the best! cooking the raw marinated meat on ur table with a bunch of appetizers, could be kimchi or broccoli in peanut sauce is just—-mmmm….

people say good food is never healthy and crappy foods are the ones healthy to eat.  apparently, bi bim bab just proved it wrong!

to my fellow michiganders, visit bi bim bab at novi, eat as healthy as u can and don’t forget to gargle after eating. mouthwash is for free!

im not sure if i am too late for michigan happenings or some famous place good to go to bt might as well share one of the best places i’ve been lately… or a while ago may be.

i was craving for a california roll at around 5pm. i wanted to try ajishin in novi. i was frustrated the 1st time i tried to dine in there because the line was endless and the wait was long so i didn’t have a choice bt to satisfy my hunger for sushi at a nearby sushi house. just a few hours ago, i knew i need to go ajishin again. to my surprise, even if it was almost 9pm, the place was still packed! the wait could be about 30 minutes. despite my craving, my empty stomach can no longer wait. so time to think for a second option. bd’s mongolian bbq is good bt it’s not anymore new to me. besides, i wanted some japanese stuffs that moment. "fate" led me and gerard to bi bim bab. it’s a korean-japanese restaurant. and the foods?!!! the best! cooking the raw marinated meat on ur table with a bunch of appetizers, could be kimchi or broccoli in peanut sauce is just—-mmmm….

people say good food is never healthy and crappy foods are the ones healthy to eat.  apparently, bi bim bab just proved it wrong!

to my fellow michiganders, visit bi bim bab at novi, eat as healthy as u can and don’t forget to gargle after eating. mouthwash is for free!

after spending the whole week, as in 7 straight days in my workplace, i know i need a break! i was supposed to work for only 4 days this week but i had to help out… for some reasons, I can’t say no. And for one reason, it’s ok coz im paid anyways. now, i am relaxed. it’s so nice to wake up at noon and watch Girlfriends all by myself. I badly need my time. So since im off for 3 days, I gotta spend my time the way i’ve always wanted to spend it. for the last couple of weeks, i missed my pc. i missed Girlfriends. i missed homestyle foods. and most of all, i missed sleeping for at least 10 long hours. i’ll be back at work on thursday night. it’s ok. i love the night shift. i love knowing that the major reason why the call lights are on is because the patients need to go to the bathroom. and that’s it. less emergency and less stress. i love my night co-workers too. i learn a lot from my night duties and the foods are great! i just wish my schedule would soon be consistent. my day and night interval shift is killing me. it’s altering my sleep pattern. it has caused me more breakouts than i ever had before and it made me feel that i don’t have a life anymore! but as i have said, for now, im cool. as long as this would soon change, i could still survive.

and that’s all i can say. u see, i definitely need to get a life! watd’u think?

Do you ever wonder why some women can keep a relationship for so long and some can’t? Or maybe why some women can get a man in just a snap of a finger and a few can’t? Or why some women cheat on their partner while some can’t even get a partner?

With all the new TV shows that are aired and are coming, I know it’s a little too late to talk about Sex and the City. But I can’t help but question women WHY and relate the answers to Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) and the rest of the Sex and the City girls’ words.

I have a friend in the Philippines. I met her during my last year in college. We became close coz we share the same ideals often. We indulge in fun quick-witted conversations before retiring to bed. She’s actually pretty, sexy (take note of the 36-D bustline) and smart. But she’s been carrying a burden that no one could ever help her… Well, she’s 23 but has never had a man. People tease her NBSB, meaning, No Boyfriend Since Birth. I know she’s hurt but she pretends to be cool with the ridicule. I am the only person she is comfortable bursting out her emotions to. I myself don’t understand why men are keeping their hands off her. The worst thing about her situation is, she’s not picky yet nobody ever tried to court her. As a friend, I did my part of helping her find a man. I know men are supposed to find women but this is a desperate case.

We noticed this decent-looking man in our English class. He wasn’t so appealing to me because I know he’s younger. You see, I’m not so attracted to younger guys. But my friend liked him at first sight yet never told anyone. Christmas vacation came. One night on my way to my grandma’s, the guy in our English class called me thru my cellphone. He was asking when will the class resume. After a few chit chats, I just asked him if he was still single. On the back of my head was my friend, not even knowing that she has a thing for him. He said he was and has never had a girlfriend. Geezzz… He was my friend’s perfect match. And I was good. It was a mere coincidence but I believe it’ll work.

The guy started to visit my friend at our boarding house. I sneaked out and hid in the bushes to see them in the kiosk. I expected a little adventure… holding hands, kissing but it was nearly impossible. They’re always a foot apart. Nobody knows if wooing was in the air. Not even my friend. She guessed the guy just wanted to make friends coz she never heard a romantic word from him. I was persistent and really made a way. On my 20th birthday, I decided to have a beach party. It wasn’t actually for me but for them. We had games that led them closer. My friend, that very moment, was indeed happy. She might not say it but I knew she was.

After some time, the guy stopped visiting her. Everytime I see him in the school lobby, he’d try to ignore me or any of my friends. He doesn’t text my friend anymore. It’s like he’s giving up on what hasn’t started. I deemed the guy isn’t capable of doing a beastly thing to my friend. He’s smart to know that I can be his worst nightmare if he hurts my friend. But on the other hand, I presumed he’s weak.. esp. when it comes to women. As I’ve said, he was never into a relationship all his life. One hooker could touch him and he’ll freeze. One flirt could kiss him and he’ll strip. Women, I mean ‘players’ are his weakness.

On a friday morning, I received a text message from the guy. I don’t remember the exact words but it’s something like, "Hi Langga! I’m guilty na of what we are doing. I think we should tell your friends about us before Jill gets really mad. You see, I’ve been making excuses to your friend and in time I think they would find out." — wrong sent! And I got him! He was having an affair with one of our friends… worst, my friend (the one he courted) is close to his woman! I had a feeling about them coz everytime we go out, they always go home together and they rarely show up to our parties.

I pitied my friend. The first time somebody courted her was also the 1st time her heart was broken. I felt half guilty for making a way for them. I regreted the day I introduced them. I saw her pain. But a day before graduation, she wrote me a letter. She thanked me for my efforts and what’s so touchy was this statement in the letter, "I am hurt and I could never get him out of my mind. But I thank you for making a way for us. Without you, I would never feel how it is to be courted or loved in any way you say. And because of you, I realized how strong I am for standing up and believing that one day I would still find my one true love." I cried. But as they say, it is better to love and lost than never to have loved at all.

And I remembered an episode in Sex and the City where Miranda saw Eric the jerk, her one true love who left her for another woman… Carrie who saw her ex Mr. Big but found out that Mr. Big is over her but she wasn’t to him… Samantha who wanted to give up her relationship with her boyfriend with a small dick… And Charlotte who found comfort in caring for a dog. There are different adversity in this world but it all cease to one conclusion…and that is, finding the right love. Some people are lucky they got it. Some are happy they play with it. Some are weird they dump it. Some are stricken they’re fooled. Some are in grief they lost it. But why is there a lot of consequence in loving? Why is it too risky? I’m asking myself so I can give my friend an answer to the questions she has on mind. And why choose the other girl when the man knows that the 1st one is way better… way smarter and way nicer.

When I watched Sex and the City the replay, Carrie’s line just answered it all… "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unxepected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love who loves you, well, that’s just fabulous!"

It doesn’t matter if we lose or gained in love or in a relationship, what’s far most important is we know we loved and we’ve been loved. The other woman is just someone your man would also leave the same manner he left you…

Anton Lao got lucky again! Thanks to his passion for sleeping, he just saved himself from shame and embarrassment.

Saturday–49 miles–Tiny and Dang’s place–swimming–barbeque–MOVIE! After sorting out Tiny’s DVD’s and found nothing new to watch, the guys (Tiny, Gerard and Ome) decided to rent a movie at whereelse but blockbuster. My request was a scary one. Anton, as mentioned above, decided to stay with the girls (Me, Lyn and Dang) to steal some quiet moments… with himself and his cellphone. We waited. We were quite excited. Finally after "48 years" of waiting, the boys got 1 (take note: just 1 movie). They said it took them awhile to choose a good one and they actually read the back summaries bt didn’t find anything so compelling. So they just decided to pick ADAM and STEVE without reading anything. By merely looking at the cover and casts, they thought the movie would be perfect. As stated by the boys, the blockbuster guy was quite astonished with the movie they chose. He was staring at them as if they did something awful. They let it go and left in a jiffy.

Adam and Steve is a romantic comedy bt the chosen subjects were changed from the usual genre. To make the long story short, it was a hilarious gay movie. It’s not just a plain homosexual sort of Alexander movie but it was an overt, blunt one. Both acting gay actors are goofy. It may not have any sense at the beginning but as you go through, the magic pops. Nontheless, the movie was alluring. And through it, people may learn to broaden their view about homosexual relationships. Amazingly, the movie displays how sweet, lovable and passionate gays are..

The time the movie was played was the time the 3 boys realized why the blockbuster guy had this bewildered eye on them. Most likely he thought the 3 were gay and are opt to having a three-some…Eeewww— disgusting! If Anton was there, it’ll be 4 Asian gays, 2 couples date — Tiny and Gerard; Anton and Ome! — much more disgusting!

Now, who’s gonna return the DVD? Of course, it’ll be Tiny. So a piece of advice he received and most definitely will take… ‘return the DVD at the drop box on midnight, making sure the blockbuster guy isn’t on duty’… or else….

Everytime i go to blockbuster, I always spend some time looking for a very good movie. Of course, it isn’t as cheap as family video so might as well pick the best. Last Monday, I couldn’t understand my whole system. I was passably good at one point then tolerably moody at another time. I wondered if I was exhibiting some signs of depression. All my friends know I never wanted to be a nurse. I don’t love every single bit of it but i don’t have a choice. Just thinking of the 12-hour shift the next day makes me sick. But as I have said, I got no choice. So whether I like or not I need to work in order to survive and survive in order to live and live in order to experience happiness. What I just wanted that very depressing day is a time to unwind and absorb into my system that soon I will be ok. I don’t need any artsy-craftsy advice. All I need is someone to be with, not necessarily someone who would listen to my issues coz I don’t wanna talk about it anyways. There came Gerard, my only moody listener. He decided to bring me to the renaissance center park. He was thinking that the waters could ease my burden. It helped a bit but the pizza was of more help. But still I wanna do something worthwhile… renting a movie maybe…So there the story continues… We went to blockbuster. I walked every aisle but didn’t see anything that caught my attention. Nothing really seemed interesting to me. I let Gerard picked a movie. I was hesitant though to leave the job to him coz the last few movies he picked were a flap to me. I forgot those bad movies already. The only one I remembered and really hated so badly was Ultraviolet. No offense to those people who think it was good, but it was an embarrassment to the movie industry. Anyways, Gerard too had a hard time looking for a good one. He had to do it double fast coz I was already complaining and truthfully, I was having a so so bad stomache. He finally decided to rent SECONDHAND LIONS merely because he heard many people said it was nice. He had a piece of idea on what the movie was about but he wasn’t so sure. He wanted to see it and I don’t really know if I wanted it. I just wanted to use the bathroom asap. It wasn’t a bad idea, I guess. The casts were great… Michael Caine, Robert Duvall, and Haley Joel Osment (the little Forrest Gump, Sixth Sense’s "I see dead people" and A.I). We watched the movie and as the story rolls, it hit me… It was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. I dont wanna go into details because I want whoever’s reading this blog to watch it themselves. Robert Duvall’s lines and speech for the young men is simple yet very true and touching. My so-called depression was blotted out. The story isn’t specifically related to my problem about being bored stiff, tired and impassive of my career but it sure entertained me for a while. The movie opened my mind that there’s a joy in believing into something, whether true or not. So guess I just need to believe that sooner or later I would be happy with my chosen career…whether it’ll happen or not.

Watch the movie and see if it touches you too…

Our friends Anthony, Gigi and kids are leaving Michigan. My brother and his PBA friends decided to throw a park party for them. My brother and my sister-in-law invited me. After church, Gerard and I hurriedly went to Kensington. We bought some pizza for the kids, or to whoever is craving for one. We stayed in an open picnic area. It was hot that day… around 89, plus the humidity. I am used to such weather, of course. Philippines is way warmer. The boys started to grill the fish and the girls were enjoying the scorching heat of the sun. All of a sudden, the wind blew. It was so odd… i mean, on a nice warm day, a strong wind out of nowhere just blew hardly. Well, whatelse to expect?! Michigan weather, like a woman — very unpredictable. We started taking our stuffs to a nearby shelter. We really didn’t wanna move coz there’s a bunch of people in the tent area. But we were left w/o a choice. It was almost raining. So we were stucked in the tent with all those people we really didn’t know. It was ok coz they seemed all nice and friendly. We were watching a few kids dancing on the table, a toddler crawling on the bench. We were wondering why they were a multi-cultural-racial group. Somebody said they were sponsoring kids with no families and they brought them to the park to have fun. Almost like a charitable org. i looked at the poor kids. They hungered for attention and they wanted everybody to know they’re special. Of course they are. They have talents that some people don’t have and they have those old people who are taking care of them. That very moment, more than ever, I felt I’m blessed. While I was fondly cheering for the kid who was dancing, somebody, a kid from the same group opened the pizza i brought. I just told him he can get some if he wants. The rest were staring at him as if he was the luckiest boy to have grabbed a piece. So Gerard, Trish and I decided to give the two large boxes to them. The old people were so glad. They probably thought it was the kindest deed of the day. I was glad to see them enjoying the pizza. After a little while, something really unacceptable happened. Trisha, my sis-in-law’s cousin started to be frenzy. She just lost her purse. She knew where she exactly placed it. My sister-in-law attested to that coz she saw the purse too about 10 minutes ago. We helped her find it. We looked into car, to the truck, to the benches, under the benches, under the table and to any possible place she could place it. But our efforts were wasted. There was no way we can find it. She told us that she doesn’t wanna blame anybody but she saw a girl from the group of those kids who ate our pizza looking at her and hurriedly left and went somewhere. Trisha looked at her and she seemed very suspicious. But she let it go thinking she’s not up to something. We didn’t know where the girl went but i presumed she hid in the bathroom. A little while, she went out and we saw her carrying her big green bag. She never looked at us. She went straight to the corner bench and pretended she was sleeping. She looks naive yet totally guilty. We wanted to confront her but we can’t. The racial issue might rage. Some of our friends went to bathroom and to their surprise, the purse was hidden under the sink. Trish checked everything but her American Eagle card and some money were already lost. She was extremely mad! Unless proven guilty, that girl is innocent, but not in this case. It was obvious she stole it. Reviewing what happened, 1st: she was the girl we saw who went out to the bathroom. Second, Trisha never went to bathroom coz she was telling us it wasn’t so sanitary. Third, she ate most of the pizza (making her crave for more things other than some plain cheap pepperoni pizza). I figured it out myself that she was indeed guilty beyond reasonable doubt.

I offered the pizza coz I wanted them to be at least delighted. We made friends to the whole group just to make them feel that they are not different and discriminated. We treated them as some sort of guests to our small party. We treated them kindly… or if it’s not enough, as friends. I asked myself why people can’t be contented of what they have and what they receive. My point is, what else does she want? To make Trisha feel better, our friends told her that it was ok coz it wasn’t that big amount she stole. In my own perspective, it doesn’t matter if she stole something big or small, costly or cheap, the act of stealing could never justify the end.

Now I realized that no matter how nice you can be to somebody, to a certain point, that somebody might not appreciate it, and worse, he might end up abusing your altruism.

july 21. friday. 7:06 pm. i was done with work and a good friend Genene (i call her Ate Gigi) picked me up. Gerard, Anton and a few friends watched the baseball game in Detroit. Ate Gigi and I were supposed to have our hair dyeing session at her place right after my work but she got to do some errands for her boss. I accompanied her to wherever she’s asked to go and luckily it didn’t take us that long. She was extremely hungry after all the driving but i wasn’t really… coz 1st: i had dinner before 6; 2nd: while she was driving, i enjoyed eating her raspberry-mango yogurt. 3rd: im trying to suppress my appetite at night. anyway, we were about to do our thing when i told her that Gerard’s bday will be the next day, actually in a few hours, we decided to give him a little surpise. we bought a triple fudge cake at meijer and went straight to domino’s pizza to grab some pizza and chicken wings. we ordered value meal no. 3 (2 large pan pizza, a cheesebread, 2-L diet pepsi and 10-pc chicken wings). after ordering, the pizza guy told us it will take 15 mins. for the whole order. it would be a long wait, we thought. while waiting, we were chit chatting in Bisaya. i remember we were talking about her prada purse which she put in a washer and was completely destroyed. we were basically talking anything we had in mind just to make the 15-min. wait shorter. then one guy at our back interrupted. he asked us if we were speaking Spanish. At first, i didnt wanna answer a conversation-intruder but when i looked back, i felt i just wanna talk to him all night long, and so was Ate Gigi. Whew! To describe, he was about 5 feet 8 inches tall. He seemed to have a Spanish-American-Asian descent. He was wearing a blue and white striped Abercrombie shirt, an "i-dont-know" brand khaki cargo’s and a Nike shox rival shoes. He was absolutely cute and handsome, GORGEOUSLY SEXY so to say. Ate Gigi told him we were speaking Filipino and I butt in explaining to him that our language is about ,10% Spanish coz we were colonize by the Spaniards for centuries blah-blah-blah. I’m not so sure he was interested of the Philippine history but i just said what i ought to say. He listened intently though. He asked us if we were gonna go home in the Philippines and sadly, I can’t but Ate Gigi is on September. We had a fun conversation… Honestly, I wasnt so sure if I had fun with the conversation but I did have fun staring at his angelic-manly face. Then as expected the pizza guy called our attention coz our orders were ready. I can’t believe 15 minutes was over and I cant believe a 15-min. wait would be that short. We bid goodbye to him and I knew it would be the 1st and last time I’d stare to such lovely face. Ate Gigi and I were in the car eating the chicken wings and we saw him left at Domino’s. It was so nice of him to really waved goodbye and told us to enjoy our dinner. My eyes were still at him. I didn’t realize Ate Gigi too was stealing a glimpse of him. He got in a Chevy Silverado Truck. I wasn’t in my glasses but I still knew what he was driving. Then my near-sighted eyes were blinded to see the girl next to him. Ate Gigi noticed it and told me if I saw the girl at his passenger seat. I said, I can’t see her. I don’t know if I really couldn’t see her in my naked eyes or I was just blocking the thought that he was already taken. And just like that, the Chevy left… and the Rav4 followed.

i believe i am blessed. with a stage mom who supports my decisions and ideals after a long arguement and proofs; a dad who works as an honest and law-abiding police officer and treats me like a real princess at home; an older brother who despite our differences still lets me go and explore on things i need to know even if it means calling me "the good-black sheep"; and most of all, a twin who never fails to be there…at all times.

i was at first close to my older brother. he used to go to Don Bosco in Cebu which means, he knows pretty nice guys. we talk all day long. tickle each other. shop at a neighbor’s sari-sari store. we were close. one can’t imagine how we manage it. i always accompany him to his dates and he knew i had a boyfriend at 12. i was even closer to my twin brother. didnt u wonder why my nickname’s jill yet my real name’s michelle? it’s for the mere fact that my twin bro’s nickname is jack but real name is michael. sounds absolutely funny but true. so, we’re jack and jill. whatever jill does, jack’s partly accountable and vice versa. i remember during my 1st year in high school one of jack’s buddies was desperately "in love with me". he said he’d do everything to have me. never on the tip of my thoughts i imagined being with him and my brothers knew that. he wasn’t bad. he’s an athlete (plays basketball ala vergel meneses). he was famous. he came from a good, well-off family…but he’s just not my type. his grandma is from america and we knew she was coming home. so my brother re-assured him that they’ll help him with me if he gives them baseball caps, the starter type, a bag (literally, a huge traveling bag) of cadbury chocolates and said it was for me coz they’re my favorites. cadbury’s my fave and theirs too. so he did exactly what they wanted. we enjoyed eating the chocolates the whole day at my brothers’ room in a typhoon signal no.3-no classes day. the poor guy was expecting. he admitted to my twin that i was his first love but just like that, he was rejected. it was a pretty decent rejection though. he explained to him that my mom and dad won’t let me. as simply as that, but he wants to wait. when my older brother left the country, my twin and i were left with no one to confide with our so-called mature problems anymore. but we relied on each other and our bond became even stronger. we graduated from high school together and took two different courses in two different schools. i went to nursing and he was in veterinary medicine. he likes animals and i hate them. we have our own share of differences yet we meet at one point and share same ideals. we were bestfriends. i cover him up with mom and he does the same with me. if he’s scolded, i defend him. when i am, he comforts me. when he went to the states for a while, half of the balikbayan box were for me. when i had my turn to visit, i took him shopping when i went home. i graduated from nursing and he shifted to nursing. we wanted to work together in the states. i am here now and i miss him so badly. this is the most desperate time in our lives… being away from each other and losing our grandmother. our grandma was our buffer. she gives us money when we’re broke. offers us her big big can of biscuits when we’re hungry and often, she is our shoulder to cry on. we’re both close to her because we treat more than a grandma. we treat her as our own mom and our friend. she was our mediator. she always believes in me and jack. she knows exactly what we feel before even uttering a word to her. she was just so perfect to be a grandma that we never thought despite her old age that we’d lose her. toughest part is, i am here and jack is away. there are times that i just wake up and remember the happy days we’ve shared with grandma. we always go and watch TV in her room and she’d be pissed coz we stay up too late and occupy her couch and bed and she got no more room to rest. we bribe her. we tell her we’ll go back to our rooms if she gives us some money or food. that was one of the million fun times we shared and i miss it. i’m a bit into denial right now coz i often think of going back home and bring grandma with me here and suddenly realize that she’s gone. i know jack is almost depressed right now, plus the fact that he can’t find comfort from anybody he trusts the most. he often emails me about what he’s feeling and that breaks my heart. i just pray at night and ask Him that sooner, jack will be here and we’ll start a new life and accept that people may leave us but their memories will be kept for a lifetime. i miss my twin and i am looking forward of seeing him… tickling him to death… shop with him… share problems together… joke around… and tell him how much i do love him…

u see, i may have my own share of perplexities but sure i am tougher than ever because i know that whatever happens, i have jack a.k.a kenshin gemora who’d always be there for me, through thick and thin, wide and narrow, better or worse and forever it may be.

my not-so-old — not-so-new found friends in michigan and chicago decided to spend the 4th of july weekend at caleb’s (he’s absolutely new) in sherrard, illinois. it is pretty much far from michigan and chicago. i knew we had to spend 8 long hours of driving. but i don’t mind, im not driving anyways. i was kind-of sort-of excited knowing that caleb has a huge house by the lake. I LOVE THE WATERS… esp. that i was born and raised in an island (literally an ISLAND). i didn’t have to worry about anything… company - they’re cool, food - we’re supplied, place - as i’ve said, beautiful!, house - waiting for us, budget - i’ve saved some. after an approximate of 4 hours driving from taylor to chicago, we stopped at some friends’ house. there the "worry -ies" started. people were starting to grab their cameras for the "picture-picture." should i join? hide? or pretend to have an urge to go somewhere - a bathroom maybe. i used to love the camera. i used to take somebody else’s place just to see myself in all the shots… see, that was the time when i was a 110 Lb. chubby bt not fat girl. who would love to capture a 127 Lb. 5′2" fat ass pig! but i was also thinking that for "memories" sake, why not join bt try to fake an angle. a little bowing down w/ side view or some hiding on the back effect might do. so that’s exactly what i did… until we reached to caleb’s, one thing was on my mind… "be mindful of the camera." when people shout "cge, pose na mo," i’d hurridly let some bangs down, let a hand cover the belly and a side view full smile. so i thought, "yeah, everything’s working so well." the entire weekend was fun. waiting for 14 hours of the lechon was a torture bt all worth it. swimming in the lake for the 1st time was fun (almost like going to my hometown’s beaches). chit chatting with girlfriends are relaxing. eating greasy bacons and eggs were uh-so-yummy. meeting some friendly neighbors are welcoming. helping out at the kitchen was tiresome yet relieving (when they appreciate your food). riding at caleb’s boat was unexplicable. laughing at gerard, tiny, anton and john2x while tubing was — merely funny! everybody had a good time, i believe. until now anton, gerard and i would always butt in some exhilaratings antics we’ve done at our trip. so the dilemma came… just this minute. the pics were already posted at anginux.com. it is actually the group’s website where fun things are kept and future events are posted. it was the 1st time i saw the pics. i didn’t actually view everybody’s digicams while we were on the trip coz i don’t wanna sound so "kulit" trying to view every pic taken. i believed i did my little tricks to lose some pounds via the cam. but… huh?! the tricks weren’t working at all. it was totally frustrating to see the real me today. i am fat… yes i am and i worry. i couldn’t bear to post those on friendster coz for sure my friends would all be emailing me and tell me i need to lose some pounds. there were even few pics w/ me and marthy (who’s pregnant), and felt like i can be mistakenly identified as the pregnant one.

i am determined from this day on that i will eat less, go to the gym more often and take some diet pills as a desperate measure. the thing about this whole story is, i can never tell how fat i am if i continue to compare myself to the rest of the average american-sized women. i should go to my own asian standard weight and height. so, please, if anybody knows a quick yet safe way to lose weight, do friendster me. i wanna be subtle about this weight management thing but everytime i browse on my recent pics, i can’t help but shout HHHH—eeee—LLLLL—PPPPP!!!!